80 Spooky, Funny Halloween Quotes to Make You Laugh

Funny halloween quotes

Bring some humor to your Halloween celebrations with these funny quotes. From spooky jokes about witches and ghosts to clever quips about costumes and candy, there’s something for everyone to enjoy.

An all-time classic Halloween quote is, “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble,” from William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, which perfectly captures the eerie spirit of the holiday.

Whether you’re looking for a good laugh or a clever pun, these funny Halloween quotes are sure to add some levity to your holiday. Make your All Hallows’ Eve festivities even more memorable with one of these sayings. Happy Halloween!

Funny Halloween Quotes

When it comes to humorous Halloween sayings, some of the best come from analogies. For example, “Halloween is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.” This funny quote is a great way to describe how unpredictable Halloween can be and how exciting it can feel to open up a mystery bag of candy treats.

Here are some of the best, spooky, and funny quotes about Halloween.

Short Funny Halloween Quotes

  1. “Trick or treat, a bag of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street.” — Unknown.
  2. “Eat, drink and be scary!” — Unknown
  3. “I witch you a Happy Halloween.” — Unknown
  4. “For some of us, Halloween is everyday.” — Tim Burton
  5. “A mask tells us more than a face.” — Oscar Wilde
  6. “If the broom fits, ride it!” — Unknown
  7. “This witch can be bribed with chocolate.” — Unknown
  8. “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.” — William Shakespeare
  9. “Where there is no imagination, there is no horror.” — Arthur Conan Doyle
  10. “Something wicked this way comes.” — William Shakespeare
  11. “It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” — Brackett
  12. “When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.” — Unknown
  13. “There is something haunting in the light of the moon.” — Joseph Conrad
  14. “Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.” — Richelle E. Goodrich
  15. “Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative” – Judy Gold
  16. “I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”– Unknown
  17. “My favorite thing about Halloween is you get to become anything that you want to be.”– Ava Dellaira
  18. “It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus!” – Max, Hocus Pocus
  19. “Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.”― Steve Almond
  20. “There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.” ― Unknown
  21. “I get scared to death when I remember it’s only 29 days until Halloween.”― Unknown
  22. “It’s easy to scare me. I get scared of everything; snakes, spiders, and even Lord of the Rings.” ― Unknown
  23. “Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
  24. “On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” —Rodney Dangerfield
  25. “My favorite thing about Halloween is, of course, the candy. But I also like the silliness and spookiness of it. It’s a great time for creativity.” —Carly Simon
  26. “Halloween wraps fear in innocence as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat.” —Nicholas Gordon
  27. “They that are afraid of ghosts should not go into a churchyard at night.” —John Ray
  28. “If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” —Douglas Coupland
  29. “If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost.” —Lloyd Douglas
  30. “Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen, voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!'” —Dexter Kozen
  31. “Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.” —A Nightmare On Elm Street
  32. “Hi! I’m Chucky. Wanna play?” —Child’s Play
  33. “I put the costume on and said ‘It’s not very comfortable, but it looks amazing,’ so it’s all good.”- Chris Hemsworth
  34. “Oh look, another glorious morning. It makes me SICK!” —Hocus Pocus

Best Funny Halloween Quotes

  1. “There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus Van Pelt.
  2. I’m a homicidal maniac; they look just like everyone else – Unknown
  3. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – and spiders.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
  4. “I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” – Evan Peters
  5. “I am the ghost with the most, babe.” – Beetlejuice
  6. “The only thing I’m afraid of is fear itself… and heights… and killer bees.” – Homer Simpson
  7. “There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.” – George Carlin
  8. “I’m so excited for Halloween; I just can’t hide it!” – Unknown
  9. “I’m a ghost with the most, darling.” – Beetlejuice
  10. It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare -Unknown
  11. “Halloween is a day when you can become anything you want to be.” – Unknown
  12. “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!” – The Wizard of Oz
  13. “I’m a ghost with the most, baby.” – Beetlejuice
  14. “It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus.” – Bette Midler
  15. “I’ll be a monster if you want me to.” – Unknown
  16. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown.
  17. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but I’m not saying I’m not.” – Unknown
  18. “I’m a ghost with the most, sweetie.” – Beetlejuice
  19. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.
  20. “It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Sheriff Harry S. Truman
  21. “I’m not saying I’m Superman, but I’m not saying I’m not.” – Unknown
  22. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” – Andy Williams
  23. “Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” -Fernando Pessoa
  24. ”Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous as the mask of virtue.” – Unknown
  25. ”I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.” – Unknown
  26. “Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!” —Rusty Fischer

Halloween Long Quote

  1. “Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat…No, thank you.'” Rita Rudner
  2. “Halloween shadows played upon the walls of the houses. In the sky the Halloween moon raced in and out of the clouds. The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right-sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” Eleanor Estes, The Witch Family
  3. “Fear,’ the doctor said, ‘is the relinquishment of logic, the willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns. We yield to it or we fight it, but we cannot meet it halfway.’” Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House
  4. “There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here — but there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers? (Laughs.) If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.” Ghost Host, Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride
  5.  “Everything seemed cut from soft black velvet or gold or orange velvet. Smoke panted up out of a thousand chimneys like the plumes of funeral parades. From kitchen windows drifted two pumpkin smells: gourds being cut, pies being baked.” Ray Bradbury, American Author
  6. “There is a town, two days journey to the north in the Hudson Highlands. It is a place called Sleepy Hollow. Have you heard of it?… An isolated farming community, mainly Dutch. Three persons have been murdered there, all within a fortnight. Each one found with the head lopped off… Clean as dandelion heads, apparently. You will take these experimentations of yours to Sleepy Hollow, and there you will detect the murderer. Bring him here to face our good justice. Will you do this?” The Burgomaster, Sleepy Hollow
  7. “A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises. Ghosts were created when the first man woke in the night.” J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister
  8. ”Be sure to remember when Halloween is. Answering the door when you’re three-quarters crocked and finding a pack of midget H-Men, Masters of the Universes on the front porch can be a scary experience if you’re not expecting it.” P. J. O’Rourke
  9. ”I awaken in the Halloween aftermath. Bed covered in candy wrappers. Looking down at my chocolate smeared hands I whisper, “What have I done?” Reverend Scott 
  10. “I have friends who wear Star Wars costumes and act like the characters all day. I may not be that deep into it, but there’s something great about loving what you love and not caring if it’s unpopular.” Kristen Bell
  11. “There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” Robert Brault
  12. “Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now. Our tour begins here in this gallery, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.”Ghost Host, Disney’s Haunted Manion ride
  13. “There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.” Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim
  14. A Fargo woman will give overweight trick-or-treaters warning letters, not candy. In other news, a woman’s house will be egged by fat kids. Julius Sharpe 
  15. This year I’m the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn’t seen me standing here for an hour. Terry F
  16. Be sure to remember when Halloween is. Answering the door when you’re three-quarters crocked and finding a pack of midget H-Men, Masters of the Universes on the front porch can be a scary experience if you’re not expecting it. P. J. O’Rourke
  17. I learned something the other day. I learned that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. Bruce Clark
  18. “Harvey wasn’t interested in the clothes, it was the masks that mesmerized him. They were like snowflakes: no two alike. Some were made of wood and of plastic; some of straw and cloth and papier-mâché. Some were as bright as parrots, others as pale as parchment. Some were so grotesque he was certain they’d been carved by crazy people; others so perfect they looked like the death masks of angels. There were masks of clowns and foxes, masks like skulls decorated with real teeth, and one with carved flames instead of hair.” Clive Barker, The Thief of Always
  19. “Halloween is an ancient druidic holiday, one the Celtic peoples have celebrated for millennia. It is the crack between the last golden rays of summer and the dark of winter; the delicately balanced tweak of the year before it is given over entirely to the dark; a time for the souls of the departed to squint, to peek and perhaps to travel through the gap.” Jenny Colgan, Welcome To Rosie Hopkins’ Sweetshop Of Dreams
  20. “Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.” Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House

Final Thoughts

Add some humor and excitement to your Halloween celebrations with these 80 spooky and funny quotes. Perfect for Halloween cards, social media posts, or just to make someone smile. These quotes will help you embrace the holiday season and make it even more enjoyable. So, don your costumes, gather some candy, and have a spooktacular Halloween.

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